Learn how to cure the desperation inside, even when you fear that it’s entirely too late.

The partner, realizing that not only has the relationship completely slipped out of his hands but that he never even saw it coming, relays to himself the memories. Could I have done anything to prevent this? Is it my fault? What did I do to push her away? He wonders if it all came down to trust. “Did I betray her?” he asks. “Did she leave because of my neglect?”

Hi, I’m Avery. It’s hard to know the reasons. Sometimes the reasons your ex gave you for the breakup are not the actual, true reasons for why it had to end. All the while you’re sitting there, trying to figure out if it’s just a matter of needed space, or if it’s truly over… forever! Is it just that your ex needed some time alone, or does the break up speak of some unfixable problem – like in a chess game where you’re put in checkmate – and it has ended your relationship.

Either way, it hurts! It hurts, because right now, you’re worried that it’s over. You’ve convinced yourself that your worst fear, that this relationship was your last chance and your last hope, will slowly become reality and the agonizing storm that rains down drops of depression on you for the rest of your days.

“Is my ex gone forever?”

The Future and Our Fears.

Generally situations work out to be less frightening than we had feared, but yet we endure more stress and our well being ends up getting taxed, as though we had spent a constant year under operation in the dreaded dentist’s chair. Moral: it’s going to be tough. However, your concern is not how hard it’s going to be, but what step to take next. You know that if it’s possible to get things worked out, that it will be worth it!

Taking the Next Step.

It’s likely that the next step you have to take is going to be the hardest one. I know that’s not the nicest thing to hear, but to be honest, it’s brutal!

Mentally prepare yourself to be willing to let go:

• Be willing to say that you are sorry. To admit to your mistakes. To be humble about all of it.
• To be aware that despite your best efforts, a reconciliation may never happen.

If you are truly able to let go of some of all the worry and anxiety, and if you are truly able to forgive… then you’ve gotten to a state that a LOT of folks have not. Most people are afraid of letting go; they want to try to retain whatever element of control that they thought they had. So great job, you!

Now Here’s What You CAN Do!

One of the things that you want to do very soon after a breakup is to communicate with your ex about the breakup. Now wait, I know what you’re thinking, “What could I say that isn’t going to get me into more trouble?” Well, now that you are in a state where you can say you’re sorry, where you are “willing to let go” if you absolutely have to, you need to accept the breakup. Try writing a handwritten note to your ex where you acknowledge the breakup and accept it. You want the tone of the letter to be very sincere, and you want to be brief and honest. Don’t try to assess blame or start an argument about anything. You could also briefly apologize and admit shortcomings.

So to summarize what you’re putting in this letter, you’re saying “I acknowledge the breakup, and I accept it. I know I have my faults… and you’re right.” Those two words, “You’re right,” are some of the hardest words to say in a relationship, because we’re so prideful and protective of our own ego. But getting to this point is pretty tough. It’s going to take a considerable amount of resolve, and it’s going to take some humility.

And here’s where I have to refer you to someone who’s a little more of an expert on the topic of “making up.” A fellow by the name of T.W. (T Dub) Jackson. T Dub has helped THOUSANDS of people in dozens of different countries:

• Learn the right words to say to get their lover back in their arms.
• Understand the fastest way to get right at their former lover’s heartstrings.
• Know the reasons why many reconciliation attempts fail, and how to INSTANTLY RECONNECT.

P.S.
Please don’t ever, ever forget that as hard and hopeless as things may seen right now… there are couples who get back together every day! Couples who get back together after the most brutal breakups you could imagine…

Maybe it’s just not over…

Avery Hotham

You’ve either had a breakup, or you’re going through one right now, and it’s one of the toughest things in the world to deal with emotionally. We’re wired in a way that when a close relationship gets torn apart, it tears at US, deep within!

Dealing with your emotional energy.

We deal with a great deal of emotional energy in situations that are much smaller than a breakup. Think about how riled up we can get in traffic while driving, or maybe how intertwined our emotions become with a T.V. reality show or a sports team. We often devote a lot of emotional energy to fretting and worrying and getting excited about these things.

Now think about a breakup.

That’s a whole different story. Way bigger emotionally! After the breakup you are so confused, angry, frustrated, heartbroken, and distraught that you feel like you could throw your shoes over your house and run around barefoot on sharp rocks and not care. It’s like you are either going to go absolutely crazy, or you are going to break down completely and do nothing, ever, for the foreseeable future.

Before running out to try to beg your ex for reconciliation, do this.

• Recognize, agree with, and accept the breakup.
• Take a deeeeeep breath, and “let go” of it all. (By “letting go,” you are saying to yourself that you are willing to move on completely if need be.)

When you honestly face your emotions like we’re talking about here, you’ll be in much better shape to try to get your ex back. Your mind will be much more focused and prepared.

Do the hardest thing you can think of, which is facing your emotional fears and dealing with that energy because it will help clear out your emotional RAM, so to speak. Let’s clear the way for the next step.

Dealing With Guilt When You Think The Breakup Was Your Fault.

-Avery

Let’s cut straight to the chase here on this one. How do you get over the fear of being rejected when you try to get back with your ex? Whatever happens, we don’t want to get humiliated by the ex or get our ego hurt. It least that’s how it seems to us.

Let’s think about this a little bit and see if we can’t come up with a better understanding of the situation.

Bringing Your Ex Back By Letting Go of Your Ex

Sounds weird as heck, I know, but let’s think about a little exercise here for a second. After the breakup, it’s healthy to go through an exercise of “letting go.” You can think of it as sort of an emotional reset to get your ex back.

This does not at all mean that you aren’t going to try to get your ex back, because you are.

After doing this exercise, hopefully you will be more willing to try to do the best thing for you and for your ex. That means that you want the best outcome for your ex, which may or may not include you. (Of course, we want to try to get her back, and we’ll be making our best efforts.)

How You Can Get Your Ex Back!

-Avery

Lots of times during breakups the one doing the breaking-up gives crazy reasons for the separation. Sometimes it seems that they are trying to hide something. But other times, we know that a breakup is our fault, and the ex let’s us know it. Big time.

We know it’s our fault, we feel super guilty about it, but we want to make every effort to get back together because we realize what a mistake we’ve made!

Getting Your Ex Back: Where to Start.

We know that many breakups happen due to pride and jealousy. If you’ve done anything at all to spark your lover’s jealousy, it’s likely they will let you know about it. If you persist in whatever your doing that makes them jealous, don’t be surprised when your partner starts to pull away. Pride is our nature, after all.

Start by accepting the breakup. Be honest, but don’t be unnecessarily hard on yourself. In other words, be aware of your mistakes, but also be aware that there’s only so much you can do about it. You can’t go back and undo what has been done, so you might as well let go of that emotional burden.

With humility, you will have a chance of getting back with your ex. First give her some time, then humbly approach her maybe a few weeks later and try to get some sort of casual meeting where you can subtly probe for some of those signs that it’s not “over” yet.

-Avery